Have You Ever Tried A Cruise Vacation? 10 Reasons Why You Should

Have You Ever Tried A Cruise Vacation? 10 Reasons Why You Should

I will admit it, I love cruise vacations. I have been on several cruises including a cruise for my honeymoon, for New Years, and for multi-generational family vacations and I have loved each one.

More and more people are finding out about the pleasures of cruise vacations including singles, families, couples, honeymooners, second honeymooners and groups of friends or families. Last year alone approximately seven million people enjoyed a cruise vacation and here are some reasons why:

1) Cruise Vacations Are A Good Value

The price of your vacation includes all of your meals and in-between snacks on-board; your accommodation, activities, children programs and entertainment. Throw in the exciting journey to some of the most fascinating and charming places in the world and you have yourself a deal! You will also know what your vacation will end up costing you before you go. Typically, your only extra expenses are alcoholic drinks, specialty restaurants, optional shore excursions, and personal services such as a spa treatment.

2) Cruise Vacations Have Amazing Dining

You have so much choice and variety of cuisine on a cruise, you will not be disappointed. From gourmet meals that showcase renown chefs to pizza parlours and buffets. The choice is yours whether to sit down for an delectable five course feast or grab a hamburger at the bistro. The only thing that is guaranteed is that you will not go hungry on a cruise.

3) Cruise Vacations Will Pamper You

Regardless of which cruise you choose, all cruise lines pamper their guests with first-class service around the clock. Staff is there to make sure you needs are met. From chocolates on your pillow to your favourite drink waiting for you at your dinner table, you will feel like you are being spoiled day and night!

4) Cruise Vacations Have Tons of Variety

A cruise ship is a floating resort, with all the things a fine resort has to offer and more. You can go non-stop. Enjoy one great show after another, enjoy daily tour excursions, visit the spa, listen to a lecture, shop and then dance the night away. Or you can lie back and just read a book on deck and just let your cares float away…..do what you want to do.

5) Cruise Vacations Are For Everyone

There are over 150 different ships, dozens of cruise lines and over 1800 ports-of-call with hundreds of places to see and things to do. Small, large, formal, relaxed, budget, luxury, there is a perfect cruise out there for you.

6) Cruise Vacations Make Vacations Simple

The hassles of an ordinary vacation are completely eliminated because a cruise vacation is one convenient package. You don’t have to worry about making dinner or nightclub reservations, running to make flight connections as you travel from one destination to another, or packing and unpacking. Once you’re on board, nearly all expenses are pre-paid… it just does not get more carefree than that.

7) Cruise Vacations Are Great For Family Vacations

Families love cruising and often there is a reduced rate for children. Traveling with Grandparents? Even better, they will love it as much as the kids! With a variety of children’s programs geared from little ones to teens, kid-friendly menus, swimming, sports, games, movies, and exploring new places, your kids will not be bored for a second. The experienced child councillors will keep your children happy, while allowing you some time alone. And speaking of some adult alone time….

Cruise Vacations Are Great For Couples And Romance

During the day you can enjoy secluded beaches or romantic villages, enjoy en suite dining on a balcony overlooking the ocean or spa services for two. At night, enjoy dancing, musical shows, gaming or a quiet evening watching the moon bounce off the ocean as the warm breeze drifts over the two of you….do I need to say more?

9) Cruise Vacations Are The Most Satisfying

Cruises have a higher percentage of satisfied customers than any other vacation experience, once people try it, they come back again and again. It me 10 years to convince my brother and his wife to try a cruise vacation, they finally took one last year and they have already booked another one this year!

10) Cruise Vacations Are The Ultimate Vacations

You can see the world on a cruise. Feel free to completely unwind or take a walk on the wild side. If you want you can dance the night away or go up on deck and steal a kiss from your love. Make new friends, feast on sumptuous cuisine, learn something new, or just hang out and bond with your family.

Whatever your heart desires, it can be done on a cruise so be sure to “choose to cruise” for your next vacation.

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Santa Barbara Vacation Rentals Best Kept Secrets: 10 Reasons To Choose a Vacation Home Over Pricey Hotel Rooms

Santa Barbara Vacation Rentals Best Kept Secrets: 10 Reasons To Choose a Vacation Home Over Pricey Hotel Rooms

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Whether your Santa Barbara vacation home is just for two, or an entire wedding party, a Santa Barbara vacation rental is such an outstanding value that it changes the very economics of travel. It makes it easier to stay longer, stay with more friends and with the money you save, travel more often. But there are 10 other reasons why you should choose stay at a Santa Barbara vacation rental home over a pricey hotel room.

1) With a Santa Barbara vacation rental, you get six times more space for the same cost

On square footage alone, you get on average six times more bang for your buck with a Santa Barbara vacation home than a single room in a high-end hotel. For value, there is no contest.

2) With a Santa Barbara vacation rental, character is destiny

We’ve all been in generic, forgettable small hotel rooms. Santa Barbara vacation rentals are your vacation home. Each villa has a unique view and a character all its own. How many hotel rooms have private fireplaces, oceanside decks or mountain view lawns? These Santa Barbara vacation homes are finely decorated in a way that will inspire memories.

3) With a Santa Barbara vacation rental, there are no crowds

In your Santa Barbara vacation rental you won’t ever have to wait in line for parking, the check-in line in the lobby or all the other places you can get crushed by a thousand fellow hotel guests. With Santa Barbara vacation rentals, you don’t have to deal with crowds at every turn.

4) With a Santa Barbara vacation rental, privacy is paramount

If you want to have a romantic rendezvous, you are free from prying eyes. Likewise, if you are arranging a business deal that requires discretion, a Santa Barbara vacation rental is a much more controllable environment.

5) With a Santa Barbara vacation rental, there is no waiting for fine dining

Every home has a fully equipped kitchen so you’ll never have to wait in line behind a velvet rope. Whether you want to prepare a bowl of cereal, a romantic dinner for two or prepare for a full dinner party, a Santa Barbara vacation rental has an open kitchen that lets you show off your culinary artistry. (There is also catering available.)

6) With a Santa Barbara vacation rental, you can entertain in style without fussing in your own home

You want to entertain in style but your house isn’t up to the challenge without an 18-person cleaning crew? A Santa Barbara vacation rental gives you a picture perfect palace that your guests will always remember.

7) With a Santa Barbara vacation rental, there is room for your entire party

When far-flung friends or family members meet at a hotel, they can get lost in the throng. If you stay at a Santa Barbara vacation rental, you’ll have all the benefits of home without the headaches. You can spend time together swapping stories, sitting together reading or running around on the lawn playing games. You own the place. Do whatever you want in your Santa Barbara vacation rental home.

With a Santa Barbara vacation rental, your schedule is your own

Want to have a three-hour meal? Want to use the exercise equipment without waiting? Want to dip into the private hot tub at 3 a.m.? You decide. With a Santa Barbara vacation rental, the place and the timing of every detail are all yours.

9) With a Santa Barbara vacation rental, you have a safe, kid-friendly home that’s free from twitchy business travelers

If you travel with children, you are tired of constantly apologizing to or keeping a wary eye on other hotel guests. You can never truly relax. In a Santa Barbara vacation rental, your kids can do what they want and you can breathe easy.

10) With a Santa Barbara vacation rental, you can be as noisy or noise-free as you want

Even the finest hotels can have paper-thin walls. You often hear everything the other guests are doing and vice vera, they hear you. With a Santa Barbara vacation rental, you can watch the big game on a large flat panel TV, and cheer your team on to victory. You can sing Karaoke at the top of your lungs. You can play touch football in the yard and no one will complain.

So after saving lots of money with your Santa Barbara vacation rental, not only can you travel to more new places but you can also enjoy the best kind of vacation. And you will always look forward to a return trip to your very own Santa Barbara vacation home.

SUBSCRIBE! Follow me @ www.twitter.com Visit my website www.Famewave.blogspot.com Based on the LIfe With Derek series that aired on Family Channel and Disney Channel. Derek (Michael Seater) and Casey (Ashley Leggat)are back and continue their hilarious sibling rivalry during a family vacation to visit their grandmother at her beautiful lakefront lodge. Things heat up with Casey when she meets, Jesse (Archambault), a handsome young dancer who is a waiter at the lodge. Meanwhile as Derek is “chilling” on his vacation, he falls for Roxy, the rich girl who lives across the lake. But when Roxys father, a greedy land developer, threatens to destroy the natural beauty around them, the McDonald-Venturi kids band together to save the lake and the lodge.
Video Rating: 4 / 5

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Santa Barbara Vacation Rentals’ Best Kept Secrets: Popular Santa Barbara Summer Vacation Events

Santa Barbara Vacation Rentals’ Best Kept Secrets: Popular Santa Barbara Summer Vacation Events

In addition to spectacular beaches and mountainscapes, summer vacation in Santa Barbara boasts such an abundance of fun and exciting events that draws visitors from all over the world to enjoy unique activities and stay at Santa Barbara vacation rental homes and properties.

Santa Barbara hosts too many events to list here, but this preview of Santa Barbara summer vacation 2010 events (from May 1-September 1) is a good place to start. There’s something for everyone. These diverse multicultural, artsy, wine, beach and food events show why so many people are drawn to the unique character of Santa Barbara.

Of course, some of these Santa Barbara summer vacation events draw thousands of people, and most vacationers in the know want to avoid the crush of a hotel and opt for the ease and convenience of a luxury Santa Barbara vacation rental. You can walk all your gear into a Santa Barbara vacation rental home a lot easier than you can get your surfboard up a crowded hotel elevator. And if you want to bring your dog, a Santa Barbara vacation rental home is an ideal choice for a super Santa Barbara summer vacation. Just take a look at what each month has to offer and keep in mind that summer is our most popular season so you should book your Santa Barbara vacation rental home as soon as you can.

Santa Barbara Vacation Rentals’ Summer Vacation Events for May 2010:

January 30, 2010 – May 30, 2010 – Delacroix to Monet: Masterpieces of 19th-Century Painting from the Walters Art Museum: Assembled over more than 140 years, the collection of the Walters Art Museum in Baltimore entails one of the finest holdings of 19th-century paintings in the United States. The only west coast venue for the exhibition, the Santa Barbara Museum of Art is pleased to present 40 works from this renowned collection. Details at: www.sbma.net

April 28 – May 2, 2010 –  ”Sweet Home Santa Barbara” Fair & Expo: The 21st annual Santa Barbara Fair & Expo is at the Earl Warren Showgrounds. There’s a lot of excitement on the menu from appetizing carnival rides to delicious fair treats to farm animals and livestock. Details at: www.sbfairandexpo.com.

April 29 – May 2, 2010 – 2010 AVP Tour Santa Barbara Open: The world’s best men and women volleyball players will compete in Santa Barbara. Tickets will go fast. Details at: www.avp.com.

May 1, 2010 – 5th Annual Women’s Literary Festival: Located at the beautiful Fess Parker’s DoubleTree Resort, Santa Barbara’s Women’s Literary Festival celebrates readers and women writers with a day of interactive presentations and book signings. The mission of the Women’s Literary Festival is to present the work of contemporary female authors from a variety of backgrounds and life experiences at a yearly conference. The Festival celebrates diversity, literacy and social justice. Details at: womensliteraryfestival.com

May 1, 2010 – May 15, 2010 – 10th Annual Santa Barbara Sea Festival: Make plans now to celebrate Santa Barbara’s beautiful ocean. Festival founder the Santa Barbara Maritime Museum launches an expanded festival, this year running two full weeks. The celebration kicks off May 1-2 with the Santa Barbara Choral Society and Orchestra performing Ralph Vaughan-Williams’ stirring A Sea Symphony at the beautifully restored Granada Theater (performances Saturday May 1 at 8 pm and Sunday May 2 at 3 pm), and ends with the SB Maritime Museum’s hands-on Sea Festival events on May 15 at the Harbor. (Rumor has it that there may even be a visit by a tall ship!) In between, the calendar is packed with two-weeks of sea-themed family fun around town, include Ty Warner Sea Center’s Sensational Seafood event, the Santa Barbara Museum of Art’s special ‘find the seascape’ family activities, and the Downtown Organization’s sea-themed First Thursday with participating business and restaurants all joining in the fun! Details at: sbseafestival.com

May 1-2, 2010 – Cinco De Mayo: The Nineteenth Annual Cinco de Mayo celebration will take place in Plaza de la Guerra and at the Casa de la Guerra. This year’s celebration will be Santa Barbara’s biggest and best event yet. There will be even more great music, dance, savory food, and a kids’ corner full of activities. Details at: www.cincodemayosb.com

May 15, 2010 – Buttonwood Farm Vineyard Crawfish Boil: Laissez les bons temps rouler! It’s spring and that means the crawfish boil is back. Treat yourself to a unique wine country event in this vineyard by the pond. Don’t miss this true Louisiana-style crawfish boil complete with all the trimmings, live Zydeco music, and award-winning estate grown wines. Details at: www.sbcountywines.com

May 16, 2010 – Wheels & Waves: 11th Annual Classic Car And Hot Rod Show: 400 hot rods and classic cars from across America will be on display for one day only at the 11th Annual Wheels & Waves car show. Over 40,000 people jammed State Street last year and 2010 promises to be just as spectacular. There will be live music, raffles, awards and tons of the coolest cars you’ve ever seen. Details at: www.wheelsandwaves.com

May 27, 2010 – Downtown Art & Wine Tour: Eat, drink and be merry at the Downtown Art & Wine Tour. The tour offers participants an opportunity for leisurely strolling between downtown art galleries to see the latest exhibits, taste dishes from downtown restaurants and sample wines from leading Santa Barbara County vintners. This popular event is a community favorite and a complete sell-out each year! Details at: www.santabarbaradowntown.com

May 29 – May 31, 2010 - I Madonnari: Madonnari, or street painters, transform the Mission Plaza using pastels on pavement to create 150 vibrant and colorful, large scale images. Santa Barbara is proud to be the first to bring this romantic festival to the western hemisphere from our sister festival in Grazie di Curtatone, Italy. The festival benefits the Children’s Creative Project, a nonprofit arts education program of the Santa Barbara County Education Office. Admission is free. Details at: www.imadonnarifestival.com

Santa Barbara Vacation Rental’s Summer Vacation Events for June 2010:

June 23-27, 2010 – Lompoc Flower Festival: Santa Barbara’s beautiful flower show delights more than the local bees. Details at: www.flowerfestival.org

June 25, 2010 – Santa Barbara Museum of Art:

Celebrate visual geometry, contrast and texture inspired by Brett Weston
Out of the Shadow  A special performance by String Theory and KCRW’s DJ Jason Bentley
The Nude in Nature Collective Submissions,  Landscaping the Body: Botanical Couture, and Negative Spaces
Shadow Boxes
Join the night’s after-party at Coast at the Canary Hotel  for late dinner and cocktails until 11 pm!

June 25th & 26th, 2010 – Summer Solstice Parade: Santa Barbara’s Summer Solstice Celebration has evolved into creative and original display of floats, giant puppets, whimsical costumes and masks of more than 1,000 parade participants, of all ethnic and economic backgrounds. There is dancing, music, drumming and drama to enthrall spectators. The Summer Solstice Parade features mouthwatering foods and thirst-quenching beverages from local restaurants, an arts and crafts boutique with more than 75 vendors and a large “drum circle” formed by parade participants and anyone else who cares to join in the beat (Saturday only). The wonderful floats from the parade are parked along Micheltorena Street for close-up inspection on Saturday only until approximately 4:30 pm.  Beer and Wine Garden Friday 4-8 pm, Saturday noon to 7 pm. Details: www.solsticeparade.com

Santa Barbara Vacation Rentals’ Summer Vacation Events for July 2010:

July 7-July 18, 2010 – Santa Barbara National Horse Show: July 7-10, 2010 – Multi-Breed Show; July 14-18, 2010 – Hunter-Jumper Show. For more than 80 years, the Santa Barbara National Horse Show has been a grand tradition. The Santa Barbara National Horse Show, now held at the Earl Warren showgrounds, is the oldest horse show in the West, and one of the most prestigious in the nation, as well as the premier American Saddlebred horse show on the west coast. Details at: www.earlwarren.com.

July 15, 2010 – Old Spanish Nights – Tapas and Wine Tasting: This new and exciting event precedes Santa Barbara’s world-famous “Old Spanish Days” Fiesta by a few weeks. In the spirit of Fiesta, the night is charged with exciting Spanish music, passionate flamenco dancing and spicy tapas appetizers. Santa Barbara County’s finest wines will be spotlighted along with hot Spanish imports! Don’t miss this festive upscale event! Details at californiawinefestival.com/eventschedule.html

July 16, 2010 – Sunset Rare & Reserve Wine Tasting: This romantic evening of rare wine tasting begins with a champagne reception under the stars at Santa Barbara’s charming old-world carousel at Chase Palm Park Plaza. Extremely limited reserve level wines are matched with gourmet appetizers from top local chefs, artisan cheeses, even fresh strawberries dipped in a chocolate fountain. Details at: californiawinefestival.com/eventschedule.html

July 17, 2010 – Beachside Wine Festival: This is the “Biggest Wine Festival Under the Sun” in Santa Barbara! A spectacular gathering of over 200 of California’s finest wines from every wine region in the state, showcasing a total of over 350 fine wines at a sunny beach front location. Over 2,500 wine fans will grab their glasses and start swirling and sipping just a Frisbee throw away from the sparkling Pacific, while live music on stage keeps the party going. Details at: californiawinefestival.com/eventschedule.html

July 17 & 18, 2010 – The 23rd Annual French Festival: Bastille Day weekend includes a celebration of French culture at Oak Park. Food, music, entertainment — c’est magnifique! Smiling families dine at sidewalk cafés with checkered tablecloths and umbrellas. Starry-eyed couples toast each other with wine. Artists wearing bérets paint at their easels. The air is filled with music, laughter and the tempting aromas of French cuisine. Surely this must be France? Actually, it’s the 23nd Annual French Festival in Santa Barbara, Saturday and Sunday, July 17 & 18 (Bastille Day Weekend), from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. in Santa Barbara’s Oak Park. Admission is free. Over 20,000 people are expected to attend. Details at: www.frenchfestival.com

June 19, 2010 – Fiddlehead Cellars’ FiddleFest!: FiddleFest returns this year, and it’s not to be missed! It’s an exploration and celebration of Fiddlestix Vineyard: the place, the people, the wines and the feeling. The people who craft a Fiddlestix designated Pinot Noir will pour their wines at the famous Fiddlestix Barn located at mile marker 7.28 on Santa Rosa Rd, smack dab in the middle of the phenomenal Santa Rita Hills. There is fantastic food a-plenty and, of course, a fiddlin’ good time! Details at: www.sbcountywines.com

June 19, 2010 – Lucas & Lewellen Summer BBQ at Valley View Vineyard: This annual summer barbecue is an event as unforgettable as the host, the Dirtman himself! Visit with Louis Lucas, Royce Lewellen, Megan McGrath Gates, and your Lucas & Lewellen friends while savoring new Lucas & Lewellen and Mandolina wine releases, a wine country barbecue, live music by Mike Shelton and the gorgeous view of the Valley View Vineyard. Please reserve early as seating is limited. Details at: www.sbcountywines.com

July 31- August 1 – The 37th Annual Greek Festival: This year’s 37th annual Greek Festival features music and dancing all day long, but the real center stage belongs to the delicious Greek cuisine. Spanakopita, moussaka, souvlaki and gyros provide a delicious lunch or dinner for festival-goers. Don’t forget to save room for dessert! Who could resist trays upon trays of baklava and other honeyed delicacies that will bring back memories of warm nights in the Greek Islands. Details at: www.santabarbaragreekfestival.com

Santa Barbara Vacation Rentals’ Summer Vacation Events for August 2010:

August 4, 2010 – August 8, 2010 – Old Spanish Days Fiesta: Join Santa Barbara in celebrating 86 years of tradition. This cultural event is filled with Spanish and Mexican dancing at the Old Mission and County Courthouse, marketplaces with local food and gift vendors, live music performances and a carnival. Experience one of the largest equestrian parades in the country after a night at the Professional Bull Riders Rodeo. Viva la Fiesta! Details at: www.oldspanishdays-fiesta.org.

August 20, 2010 – Santa Barbara Museum of Art: Surrender to taste, touch, sight, smell and hearing by focusing on five: five works from the permanent collection explored through the five senses. Highlights include: The Scent of Memory Opera, The Synaesthesia Stylists/the Science of Signs Senses Lab, Perseus by Night Amulets, and Candyland(scapes). Join the night’s after-party at Coast at the Canary Hotel. Details at: www.sbmuseart.org

August 21, 2010 – 10th Annual Woodies at the Beach: Classic wood-paneled cars at Santa Barbara City College’s West Campus. Great for the whole family. Details at: www.nationalwoodieclub.com/chapter_sbarb.htm.

ONGOING

Santa Barbara Bowl: This 4,562-seat amphitheater was carved into the hillside in 1936 and is nestled in a wooded canyon known for its spectacular views and concert-friendly weather. www.sbbowl.com or 805-962-7411

Santa Barbara Music Academy of the West: Summer Festival details at www.musicacademy.org or  805-969-4726

Concerts in the Park: Chase Palm Park (Thursdays) and Alameda Park (Sundays).

Santa Barbara Farmers Market – State Street: Each week the farmers in the marketplace display a colorful bounty of agricultural products grown right in our backyard. Seasonal diversity is available year ’round, rain or shine. Music and entertainment enliven the markets while creating a positive ambiance. Come. Shop. Socialize. Certified – the only way to buy! Details at: www.sbfarmersmarket.org.

Historic House & Garden Tour: These 90-minute tours show you some of the best homes and gardens Santa Barbara has to offer. Details at:  www.casadelherrero.com

Santa Barbara has hundreds of more summer vacation events including music, cultural, family-friendly, comedy, sporting, etc. Your best bet to find the most current summer vacation events is going to SantaBarbara.com. Whichever event you plan your Santa Barbara summer vacation around, remember that you’ll want a home base that allows you to unwind and relax in your own private space. A Santa Barbara vacation rental home will be your own calm oasis for your stimulating Santa Barbara summer vacation. Many Santa Barbara vacation rental homes are within easy walking distance to some of these summer vacation events and a Santa Barbara vacation rental concierge can help book reservations and tickets, plus provide insider tips on how to get the most out of each Santa Barbara summer vacation event.

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Paris Hilton and the Holy Temple Prostitutes

The internet was just born and already it has 6 billion websites, one for every person on Earth today. Human beings are obsessed with writing and even more obsessed with Paris Hilton, the number one search on the internet. Lets get to know a little about our modern day Aphrodite aka Venus, the Goddess of Love, Beauty and *** worshipped by the Greek and Roman people 4 thousand years ago. Paris Hilton proves once again that *** sells both hamburgers and religion.

The Greek Goddess Aphrodite Festival is called the Aphrodisiac, which was celebrated all over Greece especially in Athens and Corinth. Christina Onassis was the heiress of Aristotle Onassis the Greek shipping billionaire. We are talking real money here. Christina was Aristotle’s only living child, a real heiress, like Jennifer Gates, 9, and Phoebe Gates, 3, the two daughters of the world’s richest man, send me the Bill Gates, at $51 billion dollars and counting. Bill and Melinda French of Dallas Texas have given so much money to charity that they have completely eradicated poverty in Africa. Paris Hilton, if she is lucky enough to make it into her grandfather’s will will be lucky to inherit one million dollars. The One with the money, Paris’ great grandfather Conrad Hilton, (whose son Nicky was the first husband of Elizabeth Taylor), left the grand total of nothing to his 4 children. He married his third wife at 87 and then left his entire fortune to the Catholic Church. Paris’ grandfather Barron Hilton went to court to contest the will and he won, becoming the first person ever to defeat the Vatican in court, walking away with a few hundred million. He has 8 kids. They have kids. Paris’ slice of the pie could be $200,000, walking around money for the Sultan of Brunei, whose oil fields America is now spending its blood to protect. That is hot – not.

Being an heiress is normally a mirage, as Christina Onassis can testify to. Have you ever noticed how many pop icons cash in on Jesus’ story right in their names? It’s like people’s minds are like search engines responding either positively or negatively to certain keywords like Paris Hilton. Madonna, the Virgin Mary, Christ Ina Aguilera, Britney Spears, I have a pain in my side, said Jesus. Is that a spear in my ribcage or are you just happy to see me? Jesus Christ was a Jewish Rabbi painted by the Greek New Testament writers with the Godlike qualities of the Greek Goddess Eurynome and Bellerophon and his flying horse Pegasus and several other Greek deities. You can read all about it at The Temple of Love. 20 million Christian and Jewish children lost their lives in WW2 aka The War Against the Jews because according to stories which God of Mount Sinai aka Jesus aka Allah aka Elohim Himself endlessly calls man made legends and fairy tales right in the Holy Bibles, the Jewish people killed this half real half fictitious character 2,000 years ago in Jerusalem. Humans have a problem separating fact from fiction. At least Paris Hilton is a real person. I’ve seen her. I’ve touched her. I’ve kissed her. Her lips are as candy. Her legs are as ladders.

Sex sells. Paris Hilton was a nobody, an extra in a series of B movies until the videotape of her coiting Rick Salomon in “1 Night in Paris” showed up on the internet last year at the same time that The Simple Life debuted. People are fascinated by infamy. Did you know that the male cat’s ***** has spines which point backwards? Upon withdrawal of the ***** the spikes rake the walls of the female’s ******. The female needs this stimulation for ovulation to begin. Paris Hilton, outraged over the release of the video, raked in $400,000 plus a percentage of the profits of the film which shot her to super stardom. Without that video Paris Hilton is serving cocktails at Studio 54 today instead of dancing on the bar ******* with the world’s media murdering each other for a snapshot of Paris Hilton half ****.

Paris Whitney Hilton was named after Whitney Houston because her name wasn’t famous enough. During the Aphrodite Festival, the Aphrodisiac, in Corinth Greece, the men had *********** with the Priestesses of Aphrodite. This was considered a method of worshipping Aphrodite. What did you get for Christmas? In the Holy Temple in Jerusalem the Priests lured the people in with The Temple *********** who lived in the Holy Temple in Jerusalem. King Solomon who built the Holy Temple had 900 wives, concubines and mistresses. Compared to him Jesus was a mere piker with his Mary Magdalene and a few of her girlfriends. Do you hear what I’m saying girlfriend? At least Paris Hilton is a real person.

Aphrodite was born as an 18 year old Paris Hilton in the Sea off of Cyprus after Cronus cut off Uranus’ ******** and the elder God’s blood and ***** dropped on the Sea where they began to foam. Aphrodite rose out of the foam in her 18 year old birthday suit. When did people become so prudish? Going wild over 1 Night in Paris? 4,000 years ago mating with hookers in the Temple was normal. In 1879 William-Adolphe Bouguereau painted the Birth of Venus, (Venus was Aphrodite’s Roman name), which showed the full face on **** 18 year old Aphrodite being born rising from the sea foam. How did Hugh Hefner get to be called risqué? And where did all the paintings and likenesses of Jesus come from? There isn’t one single word of description of Jesus in the Holy Bible or anywhere else.

Sex sold religion then and it still sells it today. The Las Vegas Hilton boasts the world’s largest free standing sign, “Welcome Idiots”. The hijackers on 911 fully expected to hit the twin towers then immediately wake up in eternal paradise with 72 virgins and wine with no side effects, because they read it in their Bible. Lot, the only righteous man in sin city, (Tony the Ant came in second) Sodom and Gomorrah was saved by God and rewarded with wine and *** with his two virgin daughters. Oscar Goodman, the mayor of Las Vegas with 85% of the vote was the mob’s lawyer who represented Meyer Lansky, Ace Rosenthal, Tony the Ant and corrupt San Diego mayor Roger Hedgecock to get the job. He recently said on Television, “Those who deface freeways with graffiti should have their thumbs cut off on Television.” Violence sells too. At least Paris Hilton is real.


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